Growing up, I felt like my life was one of those car rides at Disneyland. I could steer it a little one way or another, but I basically had the tracks laid out for me: Elementary school, high school, college, graduation, office job. Even my free time was planned in the forms of organized sports, homework, in college: parties, in the corporate world: happy hour with colleagues and the occasional vacation. When I talk to my peers, it becomes evident that most of us followed the same set of expectations. We had agency, but not enough to completely derail the car from the ride. This became tricky when I was suddenly given all the agency in the world in the form of time. In my experience, when people talk about time, they usually talk about how we don't have enough of it, but too much time, and we don't know what to do with ourselves... or at least I didn't.
Before Peace Corps, I joined Teach For America in Charlotte, North Carolina. I moved there about a month before school started and three weeks before my room mates arrived. I was new to the city, I didn't know anyone, and had nothing to do. The first day after fully unpacking, I freaked out and thought "What now?" It was the first time that I didn't have obligations, people to see, or any idea of what there was to do around me. When was the last time I had this much free time? Boredom was an unfamiliar and an unwelcome feeling that I didn't know how to navigate. I found myself lost without some sort of plan. I spent that month suffering through the boredom and waiting for things to come along, as if I was a victim of the time.
Fast forward a year: Peace Corps Costa Rica swear in. My cohort and I became official Peace Corps Volunteers and got on the buses that would take us to our assigned sites for two years. I dropped my bags in my room, unpacked and once again thought to myself "What now?" I knew that if I confronted this challenge the same way I had last year, I'd be miserable. In the month that I've been in my community, I've faced a lot of the same feelings that I had when I was in Charlotte, but my approach has changed. For me, difference between boredom and homeostasis has been intent. I am much more intentional with the time I have here. The monton de tiempo I have doesn't need to be "killed" like the time I had in Charlotte. Staying present is a huge part of that. Two years is daunting but right now is doable and pretty freakin enjoyable when I'm not trying to speed ahead to the next thing.
I still wake up every single day thinking "what now?" but it's exciting not knowing and having the opportunity to choose. I've been getting a lot of texts and emails from friends back home asking what I've been up to and the answer to that question is not a whole lot. My life, other than the fact that I live in Costa Rica, is pretty mundane and I'm into it. There's a lottttt of down time. When I'm not in my hammock, I'm running, reading, or drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee with people in the community. I used to be so uncomfortable with not having anything to do and saw time as something that needed to be dealt with. For me, intentionally accepting the nothingness every day has made all the difference. I know that the work will come, but for now, I'm enjoying the slower pace and am focusing on how to drive this car trackless.
Where you can find me most days:
